The Big “O” Perspective

And I don’t mean Oprah


Ovarian cancer. That’s the big “O” that I’m talking about. That’s what my first wife Pam was diagnosed with at age 42 and died of 5 years later. I think it’s the only cancer that guys can’t get but are hugely affected by relationally if they have a significant woman in their life that has been diagnosed with it. (more…)

I Want to Play with the Sun

What do we share?

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Do you really want to keep things to yourself?

We recently published our first children’s book, I Want to Play with Sun. It’s about a boy who grabs the sun out of the sky and keeps it to himself.

He soon realizes that by keeping it to himself he has created a problem. His choice not to share the sun with anyone means that his town is in an uproar and nobody wants to play with him anymore. You can probably guess the outcome of the story, but I won’t reveal all the interesting challenges that occur throughout the pages before the final life lesson. (more…)

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When you have cancer, you bring a different kind of Christmas gift.

And it's not what you expect!


If you have cancer, this christmas might be different for you than previous ones. And the gift you bring may be the most significant one that you have ever given. And it did come with a cost.

We had 5 christmas season with my first wife Pam following her cancer diagnosis.  And the present was her.

Another christmas to spend together and enjoy as  family and friends. (more…)

The one jump that we all need to make

But Why Me?

Have you ever said those three words before? I have. Perhaps you have not said them out loud but we have inside. And those words are spoken often when difficulties happen in our lives.

But Why Me?

We live in a world that is not always fair, reasonable or predicable. And all of us will at times consciously or unconsciously ask But Why me? And often there is not an easy answer to that question.

Loss as it happens so often does not make a lot of sense or at least we cannot understand all of the factors that contribute to what we are experiencing. (more…)

Who Will Sharpen My Knives?

Her husband died. She was devastated. They had been married for over 50 years.

knifesThey were a sweet and precious couple who loved each other so very much. And then cancer came and interrupted their life and he died.

I went to see her one morning, two weeks after the funeral. We shared some beautiful stories about her husband. Tears were shed. Yet even through the tears there were brief bursts of laughter as we remembered him in our conversation.

“I know you must miss so many things about your husband. Can you tell me one thing that you’ll especially miss that is on your mind right now?” I asked. (more…)

Everyone Gets the Same Offer

Death occurs mostly through Four Means

questionEveryone begins grieving in the same way: someone significant dies and you miss him or her. Indeed, death occurs mostly through four means: sudden death, terminal illness, major organ failure or long term (as in Alzheimer’s). And each type of death will bring its specific challenges to the grieving process.

But each death results in grief and therefore everyone gets the same offer, the same question: what will you do now?

Why is it that some people are able to move forward in their lives, acknowledging the reality of death? They are able to honor the person who has died, while at the same time giving themselves permission to find joy and happiness following their loss. Why can some people do that…and not others?